Authentic

Sometimes you just have to say things and let the chips fall where they may. People in my family don't seem at all familiar with this concept.  There's a lot of hemming and hawing and no one wants to offend the sensibilities of anyone else.  Things are done evenly, equally, even if you get something you don't need or even want.  You better be grateful however, you wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

So much time wasted, so much left unsaid.  It feels like no one really knows each other, not even after 50+ years.  Then there's me...the troublemaker.  Everyone knows exactly where I stand, how I feel, what I like, dislike.  Everyone know when they've crossed a line with me.  I think it easier.  They think I'm difficult.  It makes them uncomfortable.  They want me to commiserate about my husband, my marriage, my kids, my parents, my siblings.  When I don't I'm snooty, think too highly of myself.  They ask question but don't care to hear the answer because it's not what they want to hear.  It's exhausting!

I'm not fair.  Sometimes I give one child more time, more attention.  Sometimes I'm selfish, taking time for me.  Sometimes I'm quiet.  That's when everyone panics.  Constant chatter is the common comfort zone in these parts.  It's comfortable as long as it's inconsequential.  Nothing too deep.  Nothing too out of the common acceptance of things.

But when the shit hits the fan, I'm the one they can count on.  They count on me to call it like it is, to solve the problem, to take care of it.  I'm the face that says, "Oh no, that's not going to work."  "No, that's not how it's going to get done."  I won't say yes and then grumble.  I won't say yes and then flake out.  I won't say yes and then hate you for asking.  I'll just say no.  So when someone needs to say No, it's me they look to and as long as I'm not saying no to them, everyone is happy.